My thoughts on Divorce

       
         A few articles I read recently got me thinking about this topic,  I was reading two different articles that had similar thoughts. One from a man's perspective and the other a woman's perspective, they are divorcees who are writing very openly about what they felt ended the marriage and what they would do differently the next time around, and giving advice to others what they think is important to remember while married. It got me thinking how much I agree and How strongly I feel about Marriage and Divorce.  I never want to be divorced thinking how I wish I would of done things differently..  I want to make the decision every day to Love the one I am with and strive to make our marriage very happy and last a lifetime!

   Divorce scares the shit outta me. It is so taboo for people to talk about it yet has seemed to start being so common for people to have at least 1 divorce under their belt by 20-25. My dad has been divorced 3 times, my biological mom also 3 times. My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins (except for a few) have Never been divorced. My in-law family also has very few, 1-time divorces.
I was affected by the divorces of my parents, and saw how it hurt them, the family, and our lives as a whole.

 The statistics of Utah, where I grew up and Live are;

Utah has been ranked #1 of all the states of "people who marry the youngest"

The average ages being 25 for Men and 23 for Women. 

     I think its 18-19 for Women and 21-23 for men. (;

60% of Utah Adults are married

Utah is in US States Top 10 lowest divorce rates; at 9.4% / 1,000 population

    I decided when I was younger that when I got married it would be just once, just one   man and that was it.       I don't believe in "divorce" 

          yes I know and believe under certain circumstances divorce is a better option than staying together.

       The reason I don't believe in Divorce is because you have the freedom to choose who you get to marry. I believe in taking the time to get to really know someone and be smart about who you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Spend time together and have honest meaningful conversations, after a while people let their guard down and start behaving like themselves, when you start seeing them in their honest true form and environment is when you really find out if you want to be with them.  There are some very important topics to discuss before you get married, I call them the 3 F's; Faith, Finance and Family.

     Because I believed so strongly that I wasn't going to get divorced I knew I had to take the time, be smart and pray about it.
    When Nate and I started talking it was friendship and connection from the very beginning, and it surprised me because he was not my usual "type" he was a small town guy who lived no where near me and is 6 years older, yes I thought he was handsome (still do), and he was sweet and interesting, so I gave it a shot, and it worked out!  It wasn't until about 3 months after we officially started dating that I had him meet my family (dad, mom, brothers). My parent's like him well enough but worried about the age difference, and my brothers were basically in love at first sight *bromance*  they have too much in common (; ...... I just knew that I was going to marry Nate and I wasn't afraid to tell my parents that and all they said was "only time will tell". I knew I needed time to get to know him, after all how much can you really know someone in the first 6 months... I felt I knew him pretty well in 6 months, but you can't be too sure that soon. I've had past relationships that ended in just 6-9 months because they 'changed' or decided to stop putting up a front.
   About 5 months into our relationship I decided to take a job in California as a Nanny, I think this was when my parents thought our relationship would end, It surely was a test to see if we were truly meant to stay together, but I was convinced that if we are still wanting to be together that distance and time wouldn't matter and I had wanted to nanny out of state before I met him so I wasn't going to let a relationship stop me from doing that...   We stayed together the whole time I lived in Cali which was about 6 months.. Christmas that year 2011 was when Nate and I got engaged.
            When He 'finally' proposed I had felt like I had been ready and waiting forever because we had previously had so many discussions about being married, how we were ready and wanting to and how we wanted our marriage and family to be through out the years, we had talked about what we felt were most important and how we wanted to raise our family. I was like "I love you, lets do this!!" "You are the ONE!" We both knew it, and felt that way. We were married February 7th, 2012.  1 year and 4 months after getting together.
                            It reminds me of a song  by: Dierks Bentley called "Soon as ya can"

    So often you hear people have failed marriages because they couldn't agree on these things, and it caused to much tension, resentment and hatred for the other that they "fell out of love". I believe it's when you start being selfish that can lead to the destruction of your marriage

    Every day is a test with a different learning experience of growing together and striving to keep our marriage flowing smoothly. People can and do change, but you decide how you want your life, and your marriage to be. If you decide each day how important your spouse and your marriage is you'll make the decision to work at it.

I don't know what the future holds but what I do know is that I will spend the rest of my marriage trying my hardest to keep our love alive and keep our marriage strong, to never stop thinking of ways to show him that I love and appreciate him..  I know I married a man who believes those same things and treats my like his queen. No we aren't perfect, Yes we argue and even fight. But we never stop caring, we always apologize and try to make it right. It takes two to make it work.

These are simply my thoughts and my opinions. You may not agree and that is your opinion. I do not think because you are divorced or are going through a divorce that you are a terrible person or that you didn't try.. I know people get divorced, I know things don't always work out, I'm not naive, and I feel truly sad when people get divorced, I would never wish someone to go through such a heart breaking situation.
   
All I am trying to say is marriage is a big deal, don't take it lightly. When you decide to marry, make sure you have really thought and prayed about it. When you marry someone you are making a commitment to love, appreciate, stay faithful and always put that person before yourself. Make the decision every day to love them, to trust them, stay faithful to them and put their needs above your own. After all, the way you treat your spouse says a lot about you!

 I hope everyone out there finds their one true love that they can spend forever with!

 *other thoughts*

 Do you  think religion effects people's decisions on marriage and divorce?

     Why do 1st time divorces seem less controversial than say if you find out someone has been divorced 2-4 times (as if divorce 1 time isn't as bad)

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts!

-Kenz

sunshine you get on my body!

           Um, first off how excited are we that the sun has decided to peek its head out and grace us with its glorious presence?? I was beginning to feel like I should just burrow deep down in my bed hole, since obviously it was gonna be winter til july!!! (over dramatic a bit?).  Well it has come out and it seems it has decided to stay out for the most part, except for the occasional cloudy/rainy day, which is fine by me!

        Okay down to business, I have been doing a diet/exercise program called the PINK Method. you can check that out here. I hate the word "diet" because it sounds so harsh and almost depriving, which is not the case, I love this program because it is food that is so good for you anyways. It comes with a book/journal to write down your progress/goals. It also has menu plans and a "pink outline" which is like a blue print of what foods to eat, recipes, what you should eat for breakfast lunch & dinner.  And it also comes with exercise discs that you can do at home. Of course you can always go to the gym to exercise any way you like.
You should be exercising atleast an hour a day, don't feel too guilty if you can't make it an hour, just make an effort! I can't tell you how long its been since I actually put effort into "working out" or "exercising".. let's just say a long, LONG time! I do need to keep motivating myself, everyday, because it does get hard, I mean those corn dogs and cheeseburgers look delicious, and I know once in a while I can have my cheat foods in moderation. When I slip up or "cheat" I feel the difference and my body is held accountable.
YES I want to lose weight, but more importantly I want to be healthy, I want to hike, and repel and run marathons and just feel so good and not have health issues!!

I have lost 6 lbs total since I started it about a week ago, and more importantly I feel GREAT!!! Just changing what I eat and making an effort to put good foods in my body and not over eat I can feel a difference!

If you want more info on my personal experience feel free to ask, I am not a Doctor or a professional just a fatty mcbutterpants trying to lose weight!  

On a totally unrelated note, We have been doing the "Money Challenge," you know the one where you save $1 week one, $27 week 27, $52 on week 52 (52 weeks of the year ;)..  But I got to thinking when it comes down to the end of the year with Christmas and all I don't know that we will be able to save that much money in a month.. Another thought was some weeks we have bigger paychecks than others, and different bills, I'm sure you can relate as well....SO... I Googled and Pinterested, to see if anyone else had any ideas and I found this little Remix on shemakescents   It's BINGO, You basically decide what amount you can afford to put away that week, cross it off and pick another amount the next week! It's Brilliant (: because at the end you will still end up with the same amount of dough $1378.  

Until next time,
XO

Kenz

Happy Anniversary!

I just really suck at this blog business!
Well onto more important things!  Yesterday was Our 1 year anniversary, we couldn't be happier! I honestly cannot believe it has been one year, it's just been such an adventure so far (:
We are nearly all settled in to our place its been fun setting up house and hanging things, I can't wait to get some prints of our wedding pictures to put up!   Nate's birthday is coming up next week and he is very excited about his present ( a butt ugly geo metro that gets 45+ mpg)  I gotta admit spending $20 a month on gas instead of $100+ for his truck is something I am looking forward to!  We are planning a little poker party get together to celebrate (:  

nest frenzy.

Nate & I have been looking into getting a place, we found a lot we really like and a super cute modular home!  I am really in the nesty mood (no not in the pregnant way) in the literal i want a freakin place of our own that we can have pets, decorate super cute, and have room for all of our stuff.

For those of you who don't know we wen't from living in a house in gunnison to a little 1 bedroom 600 sq ft basement apartment, so most of our stuff is in storage or piled up in our "family room" or "mud room"  in a way that would qualify us for the show Hoarders.  yeah, not a pretty picture. We make the best of it and have decorated and tried to make it look all homey but its just been long enough I am ready to have room to stretch! (;   Not sure how soon we will be getting into that place, or a bigger place in general because life for us has been taking its twists and turns and figuring out the grown up life isn't as easy as our parents made it look, they tell ya how hard it is, but they don't really explain how HARD it is, if that makes any sense..  

 I am finding out that EVERY day has a new decision to be made even the littlest ones seem to stress me out!   With that being said, we are very very excited that next Tuesdsay we head out to San Diego for my brother Morgans Marine Graduation!!

Isn't he HANDSOME! 

So Proud! 

betting on forever ♥

hectic little lives.

A lot has gone on since I last blogged, most people just find out on Facebook what's been going on in our lives so I am not sure having a blog is even really worth the time or effort. I digress,  We were married on February 7th, 2012.  I didn't want to wait, and didn't know really why I was waiting, I just wanted to be married, and so did Nate. I came home one night, spoke to Nate and my parents and decided to get married the next day, seeing as all of us were able to make it.  We got married in the Manti Courthouse, just our immediate families and my grandparents were there. It wasn't anything big or fancy, but it didn't matter to us, we got married kissed and all of us went to lunch together. Then We started our lives together as a married couple ♥
We had an open house in March, ate some cake and just had a low key party where we could speak with all the people that came to see us, it was really nice!
& Since then it has been very hectic for us!  I need to get the Thank You cards written and sent out, I will have to get on that today!  Thank you so much those of you who supported/ and still support us, and who showed up to celebrate with us! We love you all so very much!

So since being married we have packed up our house in Gunnison, and moved to an apartment in Vernal.  Nate got a job working for Halliburton, we spent 2 weeks in Casper, Wyoming for his training, that I am SO glad we are over that. Casper is an armpit place to be.  Now we are basically all moved into our little place  (some things are in storage and our living room is still full of boxes.)  but we are loving our new "home".  Nate has been working a LOT of hours, but he's really enjoying it!  As for me, I will be starting my new job next week for the Mountain Home Youth Ranch as a guidance counselor, I get to spend a week camping out and having new experiences, which I am really excited about! Things are finally starting to get in a groove,  but it will be interesting to see how much time we get to spend together considering how weird our schedules are!

wedding bells are in the air!

We will be getting married March 10, 2012! Which means I have to go to school from sun up to sun down to finish in time so I am not having to stay up here in provo when I am married.
Feels like the day is not coming fast enough! Then it goes by in the blink of an eye (is what i am told)  

I found this article on "How to survive your first year of Marriage"
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/812338/how-to-survive-your-first-year-of-marriage

TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR MARRIED LIFE

Happily-ever-after may make for a great Hollywood ending, but. in real-life, people don't just ride off into the sunset. The first year of your marriage will make-or-break your relationship, so it's important to sit down with your partner and really discuss your expectations of being husband and wife.

DISCUSS YOUR FINANCIAL GOALS

Hopefully, you and your husband discussed your credit histories and debts before you got married. If not, now is the time to do it! You should also decide on whether you want to open up a joint banking account and what your financial goals are as a couple. Do you want to save for a down payment on a home or spend your current savings on a vacation? Knowing what your future goals are can help shape your present ones and help prevent you from going deeper into debt.

FIGURE OUT THE HOLIDAY SCHEDULE AHEAD OF TIME.

No doubt about it; the holiday season presents a lot of challenges for newlyweds. Deciding whom to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with and for how long can often be tricky, so it's best to decide ahead of time how to navigate this time of year. You don't want to be stressed out when November and December roll around.

ESTABLISH HEALTHY HABITS AS A COUPLE.

Establishing a routine when it comes to daily tasks and responsibilities can help the first year of your marriage flow more smoothly. Make a schedule for when chores need to be done and for other activities like working out or going grocery shopping together. If you're not sure how to go about divvying up tasks, try switching off responsibilities every other week until you get a feel for who does what best.

KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE.

You may not be old yet, but now that you're married, you will need to work at keeping your relationship exciting. The daily grind of everyday living can wear a couple down and leave you feeling irritated with each other, so be sure to plan regular date nights and keep things hot in the bedroom.

THINK IN TERMS OF 'WE.'

The biggest change couples have to get used to in their first year of marriage is thinking in terms of 'we' in regards to decision-making. A successful marriage can only happen when newlyweds are able to navigate daily life challenges as a team.